Republican National Committee
]] The '''Republican National Committee (RNC) is a beacon of Truthiness second only to The Colbert Report itself. The RNC collects and distributes money for the United States Republican Party so that it can fight off dangerous attacks by terrorists and Democrats (which are, of course, one and the same). It also produces award-winning short-form documentaries and horror films (for the kids) that are often released during the all-important Halloween-Sweeps ratings season. Like Stephen and The Report, the RNC reveals truth to Real Americans "unfiltered by rational argument." It shines 1000 points of light focused through revealed talking points into an overcast world of Fact huggers. It protects us from grave dangers that face us all from terrorists and gay marriage. RNC runs the GOP website at GOP.com. The one at GOP.gov is run by the Republican Congressional Campaign Committee (RNCC). Breaking news: Martinez elected RNC chairman After the 2006 elections, RNC's chairman Ken Mehlman announced that he was stepping down. Republicans recognized that they had big shoes to fill, but eventually tapped Florida Senator Mel Martinez to replace Mehlman. Martinez had showed his remarkable grasp of important issues when he had his staff draw up a "talking points" memo about Terri Schiavo case in 2005. Martinez emphasized the political advantages to Republicans of intervening in that case. After the rapture of Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum, Martinez became one of the three most anti-gay US Senators -- an important consideration in finding a replacement for Mehlman. He understands that the new Republican doctrine cannot allow the states to have rights to decide for themselves certain important issues. "It isn't good enough to say, 'Leave it up to the states.'" Martinez explained. "...If we leave it up to the states we will see the erosion of marriage that we've seen by activist courts, which we otherwise will not see if we protect the institution of marriage at the federal level." Sampler: RNC talking points Talking points are phrases that should be used often by government officials, GOP candidates' and talk-radio hosts to hammer home "the message." * We will Stay the course Adapt to Win in Iraq * Democrats are engaging in blatant partisan attacks * John Kerry is a Democrat * Democrats are "defeatocrats" * Democrats will raise your taxes * Nancy Pelosi will be Speaker if you vote for a Democrat * A Democrat was found with $100,000 in his freezer * Abramoff? Never met the guy. * John Kerry is a Democrat * Bob Ney isn't in the Congress any more. Really. He just retired. And John Kerry is still a Democrat. See Also * American Words™ * Terrorist Language RNC Film Series The RNC tells "truth to power" by producing important 30-second and 15-second short-form documentaries to counter the lies the perpetrated by Hollywood elites. Because the liberal media refuses to tell the truthiness, RNC must pay networks to show these documentaries. * Documentary: John Kerry is a Democrat * Halloween horror film (for the kids): I Know What You Did on Sept. 11 ... Contributors Many God-fearing corporations and lobbyists in America generously contribute to RNC so that it can continue its work of spreading truthiness. A full list would be impossible here, but Fortune magazine prints a partial list each year called the "Fortune 500". Among the other companies that generously open their coffers: * Marina Pacific Distributors, a company that distributes documentaries about our brave American soldiers. Their works include "Fire in the Hole," and "Thrill Sergeant." Read more about the heroes that support troops at RNC Donations Why the Republican Party is cool *http://youtube.com/profile_videos?user=rnc *The White's Only Club *Nicholson to GOP: Rethink immigration See Also * Vote Republican External Tubes *RNC to help The Sex Industry! *Shadow RNC Now Recruiting! Send Moneyz, Please! *RNC shows new study on how the Dems love the poor. The fools